I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize