I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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