I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
