i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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