I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We left the knife in your bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
