bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize