Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
