He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
