Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize