I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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