sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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