Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
