im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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