spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
