whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize