Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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