She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
