Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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