When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
