I like to think it a success when the cops are called
babies were throwing up all over the place
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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