CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
