I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
