apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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