I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
