please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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