I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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