We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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