I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
