OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
