Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
