How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
