I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
