butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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