Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
