someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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