I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
