Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
