How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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