im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
