I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize