i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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