I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
