I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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