And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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