I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize