well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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