There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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