Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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