He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm like, not good at living.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
