Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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