so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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