you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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