i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
