This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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