I didn't shave. On purpose
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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