If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
