Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we're making bets on your personal life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
