I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize