Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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