im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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