hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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