I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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