Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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