I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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