Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
