I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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