Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
