Nicole vs. Life
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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