she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
