smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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