WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
