D3 body, D1 cock
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
