You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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