Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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