Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
